My baby is a Kindergartner

I cannot believe it has been five years since we were blessed to become Ariel's parents. She is such an amazing daughter - a wonderful blend of strength and gentleness, wisdom and curiosity and a loving little human being that I am so proud of.

As I continue to watch her grow and blossom, I am so awed by the nature versus nurture of what goes into a person becoming who they grow to be. She is so like me in many ways and I also see her birth mom in her as well - Ariel has this pure beautiful voice that comes from her birth mom and she can talk your ear off; which comes from both of us.

I am volunteering one morning a week in her classroom and it is such fun to be in Kindergarten again! Watching the 20 little people in her class learning and soaking up the attention and care I bring with me when I arrive in the classroom.

It is a very special time watching my little one becoming more and more of who she will become as the years go by.

Adoption and Ariel

As a parent, you do what feels right in the moment and pray that it is indeed the right choice for your child - today was a day where one important part of Ariel's arrival into our family via adoption and our open discussions of it proved that we did indeed handle it well for her. For me, it was a two tissue moment.

Ariel and I had a conversation in the car this morning on the way home from the store that I wanted to chronicle here. I will quote her exactly as to paraphrase would take away some of the sweetness and meaning she was conveying. Therefore I will not correct spelling or grammar.

Ariel was talking about babies and getting married - this is coming from being very interested in fairy tales and princesses and they all get married in the end and live "happily ever after".

So she said "when I get big, big, big, I am going to get married Mommy". I just smiled and nodded my head. Then she asked me "Mommy do you think if I have a tummy ache/ouchy in my tummy too like you did, can someone very, very nice like my birth mommy hold a baby in her tummy for me?" "You know Mommy, actually she had a lot of love in her tummy when she holded me in there."

I told her first that yes her birth mommy had oodles of love in her tummy when she was growing her in there. I told her that we would have to wait until she is big, big, big and she marries a very nice man like Daddy. But if she cannot have a baby in her tummy, than yes of course someone special can hold a baby in her tummy for her too and have a lot of love in their tummy too.

It was such a sweet moment and made me feel so blessed we had the chance to get to know Ariel's birth mom and her family while Ariel was indeed growing inside of her womb and that we have such a sweet, honest and loving relationship with their family still. That we have talked openly and honestly about the adoption process and that Ariel sees it in a such positive light and something she would do if she could not have a baby grow in her body.

Fate and Healing

As an adoptive mom - emotionally I feel deep love and connection to my daughter Ariel.

Intellectually I sometimes ponder how this particular child came to be our child, *my* daughter.

And then *something* happens to dispel those thoughts and bring me back to just the love and deep connection I have with her.

I had a very sacred and poignant moment Sunday with Ariel (or Princess Ariel as she is asking to be called at the moment LOL). She is my regular church companion and does not go to the nursery - she loves the music and hanging with Mommy. I have been taking her with me since she was 3 weeks old so she's very familiar with the sanctuary and well behaved. Anyway - they had GREAT music and it was uplifting and also soothing.

I let Ariel bring in her special blanket so if she got sleepy etc she could curl up with it. She was extra snuggly this weekend - I sense she feels me being more HERE and PRESENT now that my depression is easing. She was stretched out on the pew with her head in my lap listening to the sermon (about BREATHING - perfect for me right now) and the music.

Suddenly she climbs in my lap - looks deep in my eyes with this incredible look of love on her face, takes my face in her two chubby little toddler hands and kisses me three times. In that moment - I felt such healing for all the pain I went through to have this child in my life. She is mine and I am hers for always whether she grew in my heart or under it - for that moment and moving forward, it did not matter.

I am a Mommy!

Today the sun is shining a lot brighter, colors are more colorful and I am happier than I ever thought possible. After six grueling years of infertility treatments and then on to the world of adoption - our daughter Ariel Faith is here!

She was to be born 7/29/2004 but this little baby already has her own ideas as she was born not only two days early but in a different city than planned. But everyone is fine - her birth mom called us at 12:30 to let us know her water had broke and it's amazing how very fast you can pack and be on the road with that kind of news!

They brought her in to see us in the bonding room of the hospital and as soon as I saw and held Ariel - I was in love! She smiled at me - really, it wasn't gas and my heart melted.

Life will never be the same. I am so grateful