Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Fate and Healing
As an adoptive mom - emotionally I feel deep love and connection to my daughter Ariel.
Intellectually I sometimes ponder how this particular child came to be our child, *my* daughter.
And then *something* happens to dispel those thoughts and bring me back to just the love and deep connection I have with her.
I had a very sacred and poignant moment Sunday with Ariel (or Princess Ariel as she is asking to be called at the moment LOL). She is my regular church companion and does not go to the nursery - she loves the music and hanging with Mommy. I have been taking her with me since she was 3 weeks old so she's very familiar with the sanctuary and well behaved. Anyway - they had GREAT music and it was uplifting and also soothing.
I let Ariel bring in her special blanket so if she got sleepy etc she could curl up with it. She was extra snuggly this weekend - I sense she feels me being more HERE and PRESENT now that my depression is easing. She was stretched out on the pew with her head in my lap listening to the sermon (about BREATHING - perfect for me right now) and the music.
Suddenly she climbs in my lap - looks deep in my eyes with this incredible look of love on her face, takes my face in her two chubby little toddler hands and kisses me three times. In that moment - I felt such healing for all the pain I went through to have this child in my life. She is mine and I am hers for always whether she grew in my heart or under it - for that moment and moving forward, it did not matter.